There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. (Matthew 10:26)
It is that prolonged situation where you are unsure if he ever needs you, if he ever genuinely desires you, if he has used you only to ward off the ones he desires no more.
It is that inner struggle, when you uncover his deceptions and wonder whether to pretend not knowing, or to reveal them and wound his parents’ hearts.
It is when Reality dawned on you: you will never satisfy his pride, you will never reach the point where he willingly acknowledges you.
He never asked you to stay, so you too never pledged anything.
So you decide to altogether stop writing and texting him. Perhaps he never needs them anyway. He never said he did. He never showed he did. Does he not have his pretty entourage – sexy, flirty, sweet and giggly – to satisfy his need for attention?
It crushes you to stop sharing with him your thoughts and feelings, but you learned to; because that was what he taught you in the many times he was silent and cold-shouldered, in the many times he whisked away chances for warmth.
If he really wants you, he’ll come to you, tell you, and show you; because he did those with his pretty friends – he spoke to them, shared himself with them, convinced them he’s worth their love.
So you decide to slip away. As you go, you cry and bleed in silence like you have in these (wasted) years. You pray for the grace not to be bitter and spiteful. You pray, lest you resent his success and rejoice in his downfall.
You pray for his well-being.
And you pray for yourself, for strength and integrity not to use anyone only as temporary escape. You pray for peace.
Then you fade away.
It is that prolonged situation where you are unsure if he ever needs you, if he ever genuinely desires you, if he has used you only to ward off the ones he desires no more.
It is that inner struggle, when you uncover his deceptions and wonder whether to pretend not knowing, or to reveal them and wound his parents’ hearts.
It is when Reality dawned on you: you will never satisfy his pride, you will never reach the point where he willingly acknowledges you.
He never asked you to stay, so you too never pledged anything.
So you decide to altogether stop writing and texting him. Perhaps he never needs them anyway. He never said he did. He never showed he did. Does he not have his pretty entourage – sexy, flirty, sweet and giggly – to satisfy his need for attention?
It crushes you to stop sharing with him your thoughts and feelings, but you learned to; because that was what he taught you in the many times he was silent and cold-shouldered, in the many times he whisked away chances for warmth.
If he really wants you, he’ll come to you, tell you, and show you; because he did those with his pretty friends – he spoke to them, shared himself with them, convinced them he’s worth their love.
So you decide to slip away. As you go, you cry and bleed in silence like you have in these (wasted) years. You pray for the grace not to be bitter and spiteful. You pray, lest you resent his success and rejoice in his downfall.
You pray for his well-being.
And you pray for yourself, for strength and integrity not to use anyone only as temporary escape. You pray for peace.
Then you fade away.
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