When my beloved elderly aunt prodded me again about marriage a few months ago, my impudent answer was, “If I marry just to please the elders, shall I blame you when my marriage turns unhappy?”
She hushed me for saying such an unfortunate word, and since then never again mentioned the topic. I don’t blame her for encouraging marriage. Since my birth, Auntie has been directly involved in my life, more than my busy parents. She has every right to worry if there will be one to protect and provide; and my answer was impudent. The perspective in which we conversed was in many ways irrelevant to the present world. Modern marriages hardly work that way.
Blame the soaring and searing inflation and other socio-economic complexities. Often men are not the only provider in the family. Women, out of necessity and/or for enjoyment, are actively engaged in the work force, climb the corporate ladder, and grow increasingly independent. More women are relying less on marriage for financial security; and even emotional needs. Marriages in this complicated world seem to bring about more anguish than happiness. Those who seek the ideal husband find none. There is no guarantee that there will be children, or that they will mature just fine: physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
One may argue that none should seek the perfect husband because, well, he does not exist. True, and therefore it takes a great amount of lunacy, bravery, and faith, to vow a lifetime of marital commitment. It takes an even greater sacrificial love to work a marriage, for which both husband and wife are responsible. Hence, if ever I become crazy enough to get married, I should never blame my elders when my marriage hits a wall.
Presently, I love and enjoy my independence. I am by no means affluent. I am yet to afford the luxury of attending a postgraduate school. However I will be able to modestly provide for myself should my father decide to throw me out of his house. Emotional wise, there are enough people with whom I share my life and love (and a few dirty little secrets): family members, friends, and students. Even them alone, I sometimes find challenging to love.
Ah, as for the pleasure factor: who says Music can’t give you toe-curling delights? What's more - musical pleasures do not wane with age.
I jokingly tell my friends: it is difficult enough to live in obedience to God (Ex.20:5-6, Jn.14:15); and in an Asian family you are required to honor and obey your parents. Try to add a husband (Ep.5:24) on top of that. What a fattening sundae!
At least for now: 不嫁，不加烦。
She hushed me for saying such an unfortunate word, and since then never again mentioned the topic. I don’t blame her for encouraging marriage. Since my birth, Auntie has been directly involved in my life, more than my busy parents. She has every right to worry if there will be one to protect and provide; and my answer was impudent. The perspective in which we conversed was in many ways irrelevant to the present world. Modern marriages hardly work that way.
Blame the soaring and searing inflation and other socio-economic complexities. Often men are not the only provider in the family. Women, out of necessity and/or for enjoyment, are actively engaged in the work force, climb the corporate ladder, and grow increasingly independent. More women are relying less on marriage for financial security; and even emotional needs. Marriages in this complicated world seem to bring about more anguish than happiness. Those who seek the ideal husband find none. There is no guarantee that there will be children, or that they will mature just fine: physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
One may argue that none should seek the perfect husband because, well, he does not exist. True, and therefore it takes a great amount of lunacy, bravery, and faith, to vow a lifetime of marital commitment. It takes an even greater sacrificial love to work a marriage, for which both husband and wife are responsible. Hence, if ever I become crazy enough to get married, I should never blame my elders when my marriage hits a wall.
Presently, I love and enjoy my independence. I am by no means affluent. I am yet to afford the luxury of attending a postgraduate school. However I will be able to modestly provide for myself should my father decide to throw me out of his house. Emotional wise, there are enough people with whom I share my life and love (and a few dirty little secrets): family members, friends, and students. Even them alone, I sometimes find challenging to love.
Ah, as for the pleasure factor: who says Music can’t give you toe-curling delights? What's more - musical pleasures do not wane with age.
I jokingly tell my friends: it is difficult enough to live in obedience to God (Ex.20:5-6, Jn.14:15); and in an Asian family you are required to honor and obey your parents. Try to add a husband (Ep.5:24) on top of that. What a fattening sundae!
At least for now: 不嫁，不加烦。
1 comment:
“Hollywood says you can be deeply in love with someone and then your marriage will work. But you can be deeply in love with someone to whom you cannot be successfully married.” - Father Pat O'Connor, as quoted in The New York Times.
Link provided above: The Ideal Husband
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