Shyness

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people. - André Dubus

Life is beautiful, but being stressed out is never that pretty.

i wanna die
problem with christianity is
you no longer fear death -
going to heaven anyway
i wanna die
wanna die

While I should be doing my paperwork

I just fixed my mini (2" long) torch that had stayed put in my pencil case for months. A knob got loose somehow and I'd been ignoring it until minutes ago -- when fixing the torch suddenly seemed like a much better alternative to finishing a mountain of paperwork. So there, my (also mini) Swiss Army knife got something to play with.

So it's fixed. Not bad eh, considering I never took up any Sciences in university and flunked Physics in high school - sort of. The knob is still somewhat loose and maybe I'll need to fix it again in a few months. I thought of using some Super Glue or a mini spring to help tighten the knob but wondered if it would affect the electrical current.

Come have a look if you're good with these things, and if I know you.
Meanwhile, time to go back to work.
*sigh*

Like What You Want

I will be good
Behave myself
Act professional at all times
Maintain my composure
and your dignity
Work incessantly
Achieve more, and more
Like an exemplary workaholic
And find a different avenue to LET LOOSE
(Though Jesus says through the narrow road we must go)

ghosts

Felt your breath past my ear, my neck
One fleeting second
The warmth it left on my skin
Lingered, but only a little longer
If only I can relive that moment
Or ask for more if I may
But you looked away
Not knowing if I should stay
Unlike the ghost you once were
Came to me in a dream
Caught me off guard
Cornered me and held me tight
So tight I gasped for breath
Your hair carressed my cheek
As you planted your lips on my neck
And you in silence made me felt
Your heat and your sweat
Your love and lust and more
But then
It was only a ghostly dream
The ghosts we once were

From my Heart Songs collection

Written on December 18, 2005

Tempted

I am definitely not in love with you
You one lurking Danger
You do sometimes slip into my mind
And I’ve imagined how it feels like to kiss you
Still, I’m not giving the world only for you
Ah, but
You have now become so alluring
Is it your sheer confidence
That unique sense of humor
and occasional teasing
Perhaps it’s your handsome eyes
Glowing, gentle but naughty
“Did you get married?”
I was startled, then laughed
Couldn’t believe myself that I -
in fact - was thrilled you asked
“Guess that means not yet.”
You smiled a winning smile
I turned and went my way
Shivering with excitement
Hate to admit
As dangerous as you are
I am tempted

Terminus

Two years and counting
of
Denials
Self-deception
Anxiety, delirium, confusion
If you are tired
I too am
Drained
Dying
Tell me then, who is in control here?
You can shut me out
I'll only slip away in silence
But if
You
Would
Come and hold me
Taste me, and let me taste you
Make me feel beautiful
Convince me there's a way
Tell me we can work this out somehow
Though untrue
I will believe in you

i
no
longer
know
what
to
do
with
my
life

please, murder me

prologue

Starting a new blog
Deleted the previous one
Reasons are abound but
Mostly undisclosable
If you really want to know
Come and talk to me
Who knows
Perhaps then I can
learn to love (even) you