I regret not yelling ASSHOLE at the asshole behind the wheel this afternoon, who had to toot and could not wait even just three seconds for my elderly aunt to finish crossing the street inside a mall's parking area. Dude, if you really are rushing, don't go to the mall during such holiday season. Moron.
I could have thrown a rock at the car.
Elders must be treated with respect.
Must be my Confucian upbringing.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
2011/09/01
2008/10/11
A kindergarten teacher in Texas asks a six-year-old girl to put her toys away, and she launches into full tantrum mode, screaming and knocking over her chair, then crawling under the teacher's desk and kicking so hard the drawers spill out. Her outbursts marks an epidemic of such incidents of wildness among kindergartners, all documented in a single school district in Fort Worth, Texas. The blow-ups occurred not just among the poorer students but among better-off ones as well. Some explain the spike in violence among the very young as due to economic stress that makes parents work longer, so that children spend hours after school in day care or alone and parents come home with a hair trigger for exasperation. Others point to data showing that even as toddlers, 40 percent of American two-year-olds watch TV for at least three hours a day -- hours they are not interacting with people who can help them learn to get along better. The more TV they watch, the more unruly they are by school age.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under age two not watch TV at all and that older children watch no more than two hours a day. The report on television and toddlers was presented by Laura Certain at the Pediatric Academic Societies annual meeting, Baltimore, April 13, 2003.
Excerpted from Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships (London: Arrow Books, 2007) by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under age two not watch TV at all and that older children watch no more than two hours a day. The report on television and toddlers was presented by Laura Certain at the Pediatric Academic Societies annual meeting, Baltimore, April 13, 2003.
Excerpted from Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships (London: Arrow Books, 2007) by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D.
2008/09/17
2008/07/14
2008/07/13
The Marriage Dilemma
如果我嫁只为了让长辈开心，然后婚姻不幸福，我可不可以怪你？
When my beloved elderly aunt prodded me again about marriage a few months ago, my impudent answer was, “If I marry just to please the elders, shall I blame you when my marriage turns unhappy?”
She hushed me for saying such an unfortunate word, and since then never again mentioned the topic. I don’t blame her for encouraging marriage. Since my birth, Auntie has been directly involved in my life, more than my busy parents. She has every right to worry if there will be one to protect and provide; and my answer was impudent. The perspective in which we conversed was in many ways irrelevant to the present world. Modern marriages hardly work that way.
Blame the soaring and searing inflation and other socio-economic complexities. Often men are not the only provider in the family. Women, out of necessity and/or for enjoyment, are actively engaged in the work force, climb the corporate ladder, and grow increasingly independent. More women are relying less on marriage for financial security; and even emotional needs. Marriages in this complicated world seem to bring about more anguish than happiness. Those who seek the ideal husband find none. There is no guarantee that there will be children, or that they will mature just fine: physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
One may argue that none should seek the perfect husband because, well, he does not exist. True, and therefore it takes a great amount of lunacy, bravery, and faith, to vow a lifetime of marital commitment. It takes an even greater sacrificial love to work a marriage, for which both husband and wife are responsible. Hence, if ever I become crazy enough to get married, I should never blame my elders when my marriage hits a wall.
Presently, I love and enjoy my independence. I am by no means affluent. I am yet to afford the luxury of attending a postgraduate school. However I will be able to modestly provide for myself should my father decide to throw me out of his house. Emotional wise, there are enough people with whom I share my life and love (and a few dirty little secrets): family members, friends, and students. Even them alone, I sometimes find challenging to love.
Ah, as for the pleasure factor: who says Music can’t give you toe-curling delights? What's more - musical pleasures do not wane with age.
I jokingly tell my friends: it is difficult enough to live in obedience to God (Ex.20:5-6, Jn.14:15); and in an Asian family you are required to honor and obey your parents. Try to add a husband (Ep.5:24) on top of that. What a fattening sundae!
At least for now: 不嫁，不加烦。
She hushed me for saying such an unfortunate word, and since then never again mentioned the topic. I don’t blame her for encouraging marriage. Since my birth, Auntie has been directly involved in my life, more than my busy parents. She has every right to worry if there will be one to protect and provide; and my answer was impudent. The perspective in which we conversed was in many ways irrelevant to the present world. Modern marriages hardly work that way.
Blame the soaring and searing inflation and other socio-economic complexities. Often men are not the only provider in the family. Women, out of necessity and/or for enjoyment, are actively engaged in the work force, climb the corporate ladder, and grow increasingly independent. More women are relying less on marriage for financial security; and even emotional needs. Marriages in this complicated world seem to bring about more anguish than happiness. Those who seek the ideal husband find none. There is no guarantee that there will be children, or that they will mature just fine: physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
One may argue that none should seek the perfect husband because, well, he does not exist. True, and therefore it takes a great amount of lunacy, bravery, and faith, to vow a lifetime of marital commitment. It takes an even greater sacrificial love to work a marriage, for which both husband and wife are responsible. Hence, if ever I become crazy enough to get married, I should never blame my elders when my marriage hits a wall.
Presently, I love and enjoy my independence. I am by no means affluent. I am yet to afford the luxury of attending a postgraduate school. However I will be able to modestly provide for myself should my father decide to throw me out of his house. Emotional wise, there are enough people with whom I share my life and love (and a few dirty little secrets): family members, friends, and students. Even them alone, I sometimes find challenging to love.
Ah, as for the pleasure factor: who says Music can’t give you toe-curling delights? What's more - musical pleasures do not wane with age.
I jokingly tell my friends: it is difficult enough to live in obedience to God (Ex.20:5-6, Jn.14:15); and in an Asian family you are required to honor and obey your parents. Try to add a husband (Ep.5:24) on top of that. What a fattening sundae!
At least for now: 不嫁，不加烦。
2008/05/25
My mother is a writer.
Well, she does business during the day, and writes occasionally at night.
She is an occasional columnist at a local Chinese newspaper. Her writings in the newspaper sound nearly like blog entries. They include fragments of her experience, her thoughts, and her feelings. They also include encouragement and some advice for her readers. Her benevolent side has driven her to provide some sort of one-way embrace for her readers. I guess it is therapeutic for her too. She started writing at a time of great sadness and loneliness. Only one year earlier, my father had left her for someone far younger, taking me with him, and my brother was studying in the States.
Mother and her writer friends have together published a children's zine entitled 小小世界 (A Small, Small World) to encourage children in their Mandarin studies. The full color zine includes stories, comic strips, and a few poems by prominent poets in Classical Chinese – poems she would memorize back in Junior School.
For all that, Mother does not know that her favorite daughter also writes publicly – in her blog. I have been blogging for five years, and I am still trying to figure out why I have not told Mother about my writing activity.
My first blog was named Heart Songs. I maintained it for almost two years before I terminated it for some undisclosed reasons. Some of my best writings were published there. Heart Songs archives were kept in my computer, until it got corrupted somehow and all my files were sent into oblivion. I regret having not created a back-up. A fragment of me died. I am still hurting.
I started Canto shortly after I retrieved Heart Songs. Canto is more than heart songs. Canto is songs on life, death, and the in-between. I chose to broaden my horizon and in some ways, be (slightly) less revealing about details. Canto is now in its third year, and is read by more and more people – meaning that I am being judged by more and more people; friends, co-workers, superiors, students, former teachers, and my pastor.
My pastor recently ran a seminar called Blogosphere. He looked miffed I had not come. He could have taught me how to run my blog more responsibly. Perhaps I refused to attend because I was not ready to have someone tell me how to manage my blog. Despite my strong impulse for (sometimes not so) funny meanness, knowing that important authorities are reading Canto already constricts me from writing about potentially too harmful entries – my even darker thoughts, things that will get me fired and trashed by the society.
So why bother making my blog public if the publicity is eventually frustrating? Cheers for Emily Gould, whose writing about whys and ups and downs and conflicts of blogging was published in The New York Times at the time I needed it the most. I recommend that you read the article completely.
Perhaps my not telling Mother about me blogging is because I would rather not have her check on me that way. There is no need to breed unnecessary worries in her. She sounded happy at our last phone conversation, and I want her to stay that way.
Well, she does business during the day, and writes occasionally at night.
She is an occasional columnist at a local Chinese newspaper. Her writings in the newspaper sound nearly like blog entries. They include fragments of her experience, her thoughts, and her feelings. They also include encouragement and some advice for her readers. Her benevolent side has driven her to provide some sort of one-way embrace for her readers. I guess it is therapeutic for her too. She started writing at a time of great sadness and loneliness. Only one year earlier, my father had left her for someone far younger, taking me with him, and my brother was studying in the States.
Mother and her writer friends have together published a children's zine entitled 小小世界 (A Small, Small World) to encourage children in their Mandarin studies. The full color zine includes stories, comic strips, and a few poems by prominent poets in Classical Chinese – poems she would memorize back in Junior School.
For all that, Mother does not know that her favorite daughter also writes publicly – in her blog. I have been blogging for five years, and I am still trying to figure out why I have not told Mother about my writing activity.
My first blog was named Heart Songs. I maintained it for almost two years before I terminated it for some undisclosed reasons. Some of my best writings were published there. Heart Songs archives were kept in my computer, until it got corrupted somehow and all my files were sent into oblivion. I regret having not created a back-up. A fragment of me died. I am still hurting.
I started Canto shortly after I retrieved Heart Songs. Canto is more than heart songs. Canto is songs on life, death, and the in-between. I chose to broaden my horizon and in some ways, be (slightly) less revealing about details. Canto is now in its third year, and is read by more and more people – meaning that I am being judged by more and more people; friends, co-workers, superiors, students, former teachers, and my pastor.
My pastor recently ran a seminar called Blogosphere. He looked miffed I had not come. He could have taught me how to run my blog more responsibly. Perhaps I refused to attend because I was not ready to have someone tell me how to manage my blog. Despite my strong impulse for (sometimes not so) funny meanness, knowing that important authorities are reading Canto already constricts me from writing about potentially too harmful entries – my even darker thoughts, things that will get me fired and trashed by the society.
So why bother making my blog public if the publicity is eventually frustrating? Cheers for Emily Gould, whose writing about whys and ups and downs and conflicts of blogging was published in The New York Times at the time I needed it the most. I recommend that you read the article completely.
Perhaps my not telling Mother about me blogging is because I would rather not have her check on me that way. There is no need to breed unnecessary worries in her. She sounded happy at our last phone conversation, and I want her to stay that way.
2008/05/16
Legal Murder: Euthanizing Premature Babies
"Some weight should be given to the economic considerations as there is a real issue in neonatal units of 'bed blocking'" ... The statement reflects a growing view among child specialists that babies born under 25 weeks should be denied intensive care and allowed to die. Next month the [British] Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health will debate a motion at its annual conference that it is "unethical" to provide intensive care routinely to babies born under 25 weeks.
If the so-called civilized society regards economic imperatives more highly than love and charity (Mt.22:37-40), soon enough the world might start endorsing euthanasia on infirm and decrepit men and women for "ethical" reasons.
So bid you an earlier farewell to your parents and grandparents?
Will you be ready, when the society deems you unfit to contribute, to have your offspring and loved ones bid you an earlier farewell?
If the so-called civilized society regards economic imperatives more highly than love and charity (Mt.22:37-40), soon enough the world might start endorsing euthanasia on infirm and decrepit men and women for "ethical" reasons.
So bid you an earlier farewell to your parents and grandparents?
Will you be ready, when the society deems you unfit to contribute, to have your offspring and loved ones bid you an earlier farewell?
2007/11/13
Congrats
Congratulations to my Eldest Brother who on 11 11 007 has become the lawfully wedded husband of a remarkable woman who likes his quirks, tolerates his whims, forgives his shit, and chose to love and trust him.
2007/07/22
2007/05/27
The Many Words for Love
Someone once wrote: Love is another word for pain.
That is true, but only partially.
Consider the many faces of Love:
That is true, but only partially.
Consider the many faces of Love:
Love suffers long
Love is another word for Pain
and is kind;Love is another word for Kindness
love does not envy;Love is another word for Contentment
love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;Love is another word for Humility
does not behave rudely,Love is another word for Courtesy
does not seek its own,Love is another word for Selflessness
is not provoked,Love is another word for Serenity
thinks no evil;
Love is another word for Forgiveness
Love is another word for Righteousness
Bears all things,Love is another word for Strength
Believes all things, hopes all things,Love is another word for Faith
Endures all things.Love is another word for Perseverance
(1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)
Love can indeed be painful. Nevertheless, somewhere down the road (most) people learn to be less self-centered and (begin to) see that in loving and giving, there is joy, peace, and fulfillment. People then learn to be less reactive and more responsive towards Love.
Consider:
Mothers who sacrifice their rest, even their lives, for their babies.
Parents who endure the troubles caused by their children.
Husbands who bear demanding professions to provide for their families.
Wives who forgo their careers to raise families.
Married couples withstanding each other’s weaknesses and annoying habits.
Engaged couples who sacrifice a more comfortable lifestyle to save up for marriages.
Even God Himself. Because of Love Christ “made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a servant… humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death on the cross.” (Philippians 2:7-8)
YET
“Therefore God also has highly exalted Him…” (Philippians 2:9)
Consider:
The peace in watching your loved ones sleeping.
The joy of parents when seeing their children utter their first words, and walk their first steps.
The excitement of becoming grandparents.
The intimacy of couples who have together endured years of hardships.
And more.
Yes, Love is rewarding.
Consider:
Mothers who sacrifice their rest, even their lives, for their babies.
Parents who endure the troubles caused by their children.
Husbands who bear demanding professions to provide for their families.
Wives who forgo their careers to raise families.
Married couples withstanding each other’s weaknesses and annoying habits.
Engaged couples who sacrifice a more comfortable lifestyle to save up for marriages.
Even God Himself. Because of Love Christ “made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a servant… humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death on the cross.” (Philippians 2:7-8)
YET
“Therefore God also has highly exalted Him…” (Philippians 2:9)
Consider:
The peace in watching your loved ones sleeping.
The joy of parents when seeing their children utter their first words, and walk their first steps.
The excitement of becoming grandparents.
The intimacy of couples who have together endured years of hardships.
And more.
Yes, Love is rewarding.
2007/05/26
2006/09/03
Learned from His Story (part 2)
Now my brother has a new love, his fiancée
Who shares his laughter and frustrations
She whose name he mentions each day
You know, she’s good at this and that
In this situation she would take this step
See that sparkle in his eyes
Perhaps he has finally found the one
Who shares his laughter and frustrations
She whose name he mentions each day
You know, she’s good at this and that
In this situation she would take this step
See that sparkle in his eyes
Perhaps he has finally found the one
Learned from His Story (part 1)
I remember how my brother
Remarked the end of his relationship
With the one he almost married, some time ago
I feel loss, he said, It’s like..
Losing your favorite toy.
Well I guess what he really was saying was
He loved her, but not that much
Never to that extent
Maybe he already knew deep down
It would end somehow
Remarked the end of his relationship
With the one he almost married, some time ago
I feel loss, he said, It’s like..
Losing your favorite toy.
Well I guess what he really was saying was
He loved her, but not that much
Never to that extent
Maybe he already knew deep down
It would end somehow
2006/07/21
Supportive caring relationships are a biological necessity and not a luxury. No matter how well balanced we feel on our own, we need others to help complete us. We need others to help us find our rightful place in the world, and feel truly at home. To be genuinely happy and healthy, we need to expand our sense of self to include all those that play a significant role in our life.
~ Charlie Badenhop, the originator of Seishindo
~ Charlie Badenhop, the originator of Seishindo
2006/07/02
Spinoza
By Rivkah Moses
Spinoza's donkey-
So perversely rational
As to be stupid.
What beast in its right mind
Wouldn't turn
To the right
Or left
To eat its fill?
I laugh,
Yet am guilty of the same.
While waiting for the
Perfect, rational proof
That I'm worthy of love,
I stand, stiffly,
And starve.
Spinoza's donkey-
So perversely rational
As to be stupid.
What beast in its right mind
Wouldn't turn
To the right
Or left
To eat its fill?
I laugh,
Yet am guilty of the same.
While waiting for the
Perfect, rational proof
That I'm worthy of love,
I stand, stiffly,
And starve.
2006/05/15
"It’s absurd to think that you could hurt people who love you and not apologize - because they love you ... It is time we all learn how to mend those mistakes and give our loved ones the healing - from us - they deserve. If you refuse to say you’re sorry, you’re re-injuring your partner and compounding your mistake by not owning it. Step up and own it - your partner will feel better and so will you." ~ Lisa Merlo-Booth
2006/04/03
You called me fat and ugly
(not necessarily something I enjoy hearing, but..)
then complimented me for not being (that) high maintenance
(thanks for pointing out what really matters..)
Thanks for taking me out for sushi
though you never really like uncooked food
also for that delicious Korean cuisine, and the comforting soju
and for the heart-warming coffee in the morn
and fresh juice on weekends..
Thank you for giving good advice,
and keeping me on track, as stern as you are
I guess loving words are just not your forte, and that's okay
I know you love me
I love you too
(not necessarily something I enjoy hearing, but..)
then complimented me for not being (that) high maintenance
(thanks for pointing out what really matters..)
Thanks for taking me out for sushi
though you never really like uncooked food
also for that delicious Korean cuisine, and the comforting soju
and for the heart-warming coffee in the morn
and fresh juice on weekends..
Thank you for giving good advice,
and keeping me on track, as stern as you are
I guess loving words are just not your forte, and that's okay
I know you love me
I love you too
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