with raised eyebrows

General observations from more than 10 years of teaching:

Every parent has a favorite. Good parents try to treat every child equally. That does not always conceal which child is the most loved.

Teachers have preferred students/ parents too. I try my best to provide unbiased service for all. Still, there are a few who are dearer and closer to my heart. These are not always the most gifted. Often it's attitude or shared values. Sometimes it's pure chemistry.

Mothers of sons tend to show more vulnerability than mothers of daughters.

Angry mothers are the least rational among all irrational creatures. Their logic is Angry Bird's.

Suddenly Legit

Remember your late teenage years? Those awful, awkward times, when we didn't know what to do and where to go. During the course we learned that it was not meant to be. Are we not glad it was over. I know I am.
There was a stretch of time when I felt stung with shame whenever I remembered you.
But lately I have straightened my back and realized it was not that much of a failure.
I looked around and saw the fancies of adolescents these days, and recalled how different your likings were. Instead of succumbing to the ridiculous pop culture, you differentiated (non-classical) performers for their art. Instead of worshipping seemingly innocent pretty faces, you went for Victoria's Secret angels and things your mother had better not see. You introduced me to artists before they became mainstream.
In short, the person whom I fell for was not just a boy. You were already a man, budding as you were.
The past now justifies itself. You were not a clever choice, but it wasn't that bad after all.

change we can believe in... *smirk*

In a teacher workshop I attended years ago while fresh out of university, participants were asked to share the most disliked traits of teachers who had taught them in the past. The answers were not surprising; favoritism, unfairness, lack of punctuality, not mastering the subject matter, etc.

I wrote "lack of discipline" as I remembered past teachers who let students rule the class and as such, I didn't feel I learned anything out of these classes. I guess what I really meant was "Ineffectiveness".

However my intelligent friend answered, "Inconsistencies."
I couldn't agree more.

Inconsistencies in most cases result not in creativity but excuses. Most often they reflect a lack of preparation and thorough consideration, and consequently result in impulsive bad decisions, unreliable plans, lowered work quality, frustrations among many, and loss of trust.

comic strip creds: Scott Adams
Click to enlarge picture.

I am guilty too

Years back, at least three years ago, I bought the 362-page book "The Complete Idiot's Guide to OVERCOMING PROCRASTINATION".

I haven't finished even the second chapter. That's less than 25 pages.

In fact, it's been so long I've forgotten what the first two chapters say.

Ha, ha.

(The price tag is still on. Expensive. Maybe I should start reading it ... um, one of these days.)

probably made ugly by money

Money does not always translate into sophistication. Even those who grew up privileged and have gone overseas for tertiary education, may turn out brusque instead of urbane.

(No, I am not referring to people ribbing with one another in a casual situation.)

arise

The first step towards fulfilling your dream is to wake up.

Dangerous Misconceptions

This picture is an example of society judging an Author without having read and studied his Book. Let us not be deceived.

Misconception: Unconditional love with conditions.
Truth: Unconditional love always, but many refuse to open their hearts and be loved and transformed from Grace to Grace. 


Misconception: Children eat apple, 4000 years grudge.
Truth: Adam and Eve chose to know evil, Jesus paved the Way back to righteousness plus 4000+ years of redemptive work. 


Misconception: Create rules for bronze aged desert tribe, applies to everyone, everywhere, always.
Truth: Rules were NOT made FOR bronze aged desert tribe but for all people. "[The Gentiles] show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness." Romans 2:15. 


Misconception: Have faith in me while I do nothing. 
Truth: Faith is hope stretching out its hands in the dark, a proof in itself, and there are numerous witnesses who would share their stories of miraculous intervention from the Divine. 


Misconception: Perform spectacular miracles, cease these miracles once man is able to record and document events.
Truth: Why ask for bronze age miracles to answer to modern world's problems? I am sure you are clever enough to tell the difference. 


Misconception: I have something to say, I'm only gonna tell one guy. 
Truth: God reveals his thoughts to those who listen to his heart, but there are too few who listen closely.

Once is good enough

People don't necessarily want to repeat things they are proud of.
For instance, today I defeated a big cockroach without using any insecticide.
I really hope I won't have to do it again.

all with a past

Human experience is messy.
No one is squeaky clean.
Ever.

which is why I chose to import my old blogs, instead of just starting a new one.
Quote above though, I have deleted some entries that carry too much dirt.
Even in honesty I am not clean.

Highly Recommended Read:
John Piper explains why Calvinists are so Negative
By Ben Witherington III

Anita's response:
For many years I disliked Calvinists.

I knew a few Calvinists who were gracious and humble. And yet, most Reformed churchgoers seemed to take great pride in their ministers' expertise in explaining the wrongs and degrading other churches. Alas, many of their youths too had followed in that step and adopted the angry and arrogant "we know therefore we are best" attitude. Only less than a year ago I spoke with a 17-year-old who claimed that his Reformed church had the license for arrogance. I was shocked. What has the Doctrine of Grace become?

Even after I 'became' a Calvinist - I consider myself inter-denominational but attend Christian Studies lectures and Sunday services at a Calvinist church - I still am uncomfortable with the apparent smugness of many Calvinist/Reformed believers.

I would not have become a Calvinist myself had I not listened to (now) my pastor at a seminar in February 2008. During the four hour lecture and discussion about Love, Christian worldview and Post-Modernism, he did not even once trampled other denominations' dignity while maintaining his strong Reformed faith.

Ben Witherington III:
"All too often, the apparent intellectual coherency of a theological system is taken as absolute and compelling proof that this view of God, salvation,the world must be true and all others be heresy, to one degree or another. But it is perfectly possible to argue logically and coherency in a hermeneutical or theological circle with all parts connected, and unfortunately be dead wrong-- because one drew the circle much too small and left out all the inconvenient contrary evidence. This sort of fault is inevitable with theological systems constructed by finite human beings ... The truth of God and even of the Bible is much larger than anyone's ability (or any collection of human being's abilities) to get their mental calipers so firmly around it that one could form it into a 'coherent theological system' without flaws, gaps, or lacunae ... in the end our posture should be that of Anselm -- 'fides quaerens intellectum' faith seeking understanding, not 'intellectus quaerens fidium' Understanding seeking and defining and limiting faith." (read more)

13Hakuna jaribu lo lote lililowapata ambalo si la kawaida kwa wanadamu. Na Mungu ni mwaminifu; hata- ruhusu mjaribiwe kupita uwezo wenu. Lakini mnapojaribiwa atawapa na njia ya kutokea ili mweze kustahimili.
1 Wakorintho 10:13

Oh, that was in Swahili. Maybe this one:

13πειρασμος υμας ουκ ειληφεν ει μη ανθρωπινος πιστος δε ο θεος ος ουκ εασει υμας πειρασθηναι υπερ ο δυνασθε αλλα ποιησει συν τω πειρασμω και την εκβασιν του δυνασθαι υμας υπενεγκειν
ΠΡΟΣ ΚΟΡΙΝΘΙΟΥΣ Α΄ 10:13

Or this?

13 你 們 所 遇 見 的 試 探 ， 無 非 是 人 所 能 受 的 。 神 是 信 實 的 ， 必 不 叫 你 們 受 試 探 過 於 所 能 受 的 ； 在 受 試 探 的 時 候 ， 總 要 給 你 們 開 一 條 出 路 ， 叫 你 們 能 忍 受 得 住 。
歌 林 多 前 書 10:13

Different versions, same concern: the way out - how, where, and when exactly?

"So no one should keep dirty little secrets.."
Have you said so because you are vexed that people have chosen to keep their secrets from you, or do you genuinely believe in total transparency of character?

Well then, shall you bare all your thoughts, exhibit all feelings, expose all desires, disclose all mistakes.. and still expect people to like you and be willing to work with you, learn from you?

Too many people love only when they like to.

Facebook

Facebook wall posts are overrated.

Mature, intimate lovers and (very) close friends hardly 'wall' each other. Married couples especially don't use it to communicate, unless they want to be silly and romantic on occasion, maybe.

I myself seldom wall the people I cherish the most. The intimacy of a private message is far more appealing. Even better: a face to face get-together, or a phone call. This may reflect a personal preference though. I prefer sharing with my loved one(s) without having to advertise our sphere to the rest of the world.

Facebook walls, then, are generally for friendly greetings, harmless discussions, and among younger users: territorial marking. It is interesting to observe how the latter works: a wall post from an opposite sex would soon be followed a barrage from other competitors - all of whom boast a 'special' connection with the wall owner. I always find this kind of posts comical and therefore amusing.

Still, such territorial marking does cause enough insecurity that many are urged to regularly check on their inamoratas' wall posts. Sadly, the wall offers no reliable information on the inamorata's true romantic interest.

So if you really want to secure a romantic position: go ahead, ask, and work your way there. Be proactive.

If you would weave words to portray
the depth of your affection
shall you find those that suffice?

more on Plan B

On 25 August 2007, approximately 11 months prior to my previous entry, my good friend and I had a discussion on Love's Plan B dilemma. I asked him to explain his point of view as a male who was having a relationship.

In his words, answering whether a man would keep maintaining and assessing alternatives despite having an exclusive partner:

Agree to some degree, because we use logic more than feelings. It seems logical. But I also disagree because sometimes, we already choose from the beginning.

Usually we collect as many possibilities as possible, then narrow down to a single choice, sometimes even with Plan B and Plan C. That's true.

But in choosing a [lifetime] partner it can be different. Some men just know because they also involve feelings and prayers. Logic may not work here.

For intelligent men and women, one of the greatest challenges is to surrender our logic and fully believe in God. That's why we should first seek his will.

My friend was married a few months after that late night chat. He boasts a transformed physique to prove his happy marriage. Once an underweight skeleton resemblance, he is now a healthy looking man, with baby-like chubby cheeks.

Humor Me

I have a morbid sense of humor.

For the sake of propriety and personal security, I cannot detail here my latest Shakespeare-inspired joke about the government. However it is morbid enough that some people would surely find it unsettling. My pastor, and those who fancy themselves my spiritual mentors, might want to counsel me when they learn about it. God commanded us to bless and pray for the city we live in. (Je.29:7)

So am I psychologically twisted, or is telling morbid jokes a crucial coping mechanism? Tyler Stillman, a social psychologist at Florida State University, says, "Having a laugh in the face of death or extreme hardship can certainly have a place in healthy coping. Humor allows people to detach from extremely trying circumstances and attach to other people to get through difficult times." (read more)

Can my morbid jokes be justified then? I don't know.

Ping

We both felt the nudge in our hearts and minds.

What do you call it when two persons mulled the same issue and wrote about it at approximately the same time? I had not seen this article when I wrote my previous entry.

I recommend that you read it.

It is not long.

The Marriage Dilemma

如果我嫁只为了让长辈开心，然后婚姻不幸福，我可不可以怪你？

When my beloved elderly aunt prodded me again about marriage a few months ago, my impudent answer was, “If I marry just to please the elders, shall I blame you when my marriage turns unhappy?”

She hushed me for saying such an unfortunate word, and since then never again mentioned the topic. I don’t blame her for encouraging marriage. Since my birth, Auntie has been directly involved in my life, more than my busy parents. She has every right to worry if there will be one to protect and provide; and my answer was impudent. The perspective in which we conversed was in many ways irrelevant to the present world. Modern marriages hardly work that way.

Blame the soaring and searing inflation and other socio-economic complexities. Often men are not the only provider in the family. Women, out of necessity and/or for enjoyment, are actively engaged in the work force, climb the corporate ladder, and grow increasingly independent. More women are relying less on marriage for financial security; and even emotional needs. Marriages in this complicated world seem to bring about more anguish than happiness. Those who seek the ideal husband find none. There is no guarantee that there will be children, or that they will mature just fine: physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

One may argue that none should seek the perfect husband because, well, he does not exist. True, and therefore it takes a great amount of lunacy, bravery, and faith, to vow a lifetime of marital commitment. It takes an even greater sacrificial love to work a marriage, for which both husband and wife are responsible. Hence, if ever I become crazy enough to get married, I should never blame my elders when my marriage hits a wall.

Presently, I love and enjoy my independence. I am by no means affluent. I am yet to afford the luxury of attending a postgraduate school. However I will be able to modestly provide for myself should my father decide to throw me out of his house. Emotional wise, there are enough people with whom I share my life and love (and a few dirty little secrets): family members, friends, and students. Even them alone, I sometimes find challenging to love.

Ah, as for the pleasure factor: who says Music can’t give you toe-curling delights? What's more - musical pleasures do not wane with age.

I jokingly tell my friends: it is difficult enough to live in obedience to God (Ex.20:5-6, Jn.14:15); and in an Asian family you are required to honor and obey your parents. Try to add a husband (Ep.5:24) on top of that. What a fattening sundae!

At least for now: 不嫁，不加烦。

Leave Me Breathless

credits

Isn't she beautiful? My dancer friends would be envious.

The society's few who can dance with impeccable beauty and grace deserve much respect and admiration. For many years I've watched student dancers and professional dance tapes, including the Russian Bolshoi and American Ballet Theater. I've come to learn that most people may undergo a lifetime of training and still are not able to dance in near perfection of form and spirit.

Not to undermine or discourage other dancers though. Many who train with rigorous discipline under the tutelage of great teachers do eventually achieve excellence.

Just not perfection.